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Doctor Who Knows One?

28 Mar

Ok, Jewish/Seder-loving Whovians. (Jewvians?) This one’s for you… and other people who will find it funny.
Written by me, with help from two awesome friends. Please, feel free to share, just credit when you do.

(To the tune of “Who Knows One.”)

Who knows One? Susan knows One! One is the doctor! One is the doctor! One is the doctor in the 60s in the TARDIS. Dadadadadadada.

Who knows Two? Zoe knows Two. Two looks like a hobo.
One is the doctor! One is the doctor! One is the doctor in the 60s in the TARDIS. Dadadadadadada.

Who knows Three? Sarah Jane knows Three. Three is a dandy.
Two looks like a hobo.
One is the doctor! One is the doctor! One is the doctor in the 60s in the TARDIS. Dadadadadadada.
(Continue in this manner.)

Who knows Four? K-9 knows Four. Four has the scarf.

Who knows Five? Peri knows Five. Five wears a coat with (clap) celery.

Who knows Six? Mel knows Six. Six wears a coat of (clap) motley.

Who knows Seven? Ace knows Seven. Seven didn’t like to fight. (clap clap)

Who knows Eight? Grace knows Eight. Eight had a TV movie.

Who knows Nine? Rose knows Nine. Nine is the man who’s from the North.

Who knows Ten? Donna knows Ten. Ten is the best fucking ever and if you disagree I’ll send weeping angels after you.

Who knows Eleven? Ponds knows Eleven. Eleven thinks that bow ties are cool.

Who knows Twelve? River probably knows Twelve? Twelve is (River voice) Spoilers!
Eleven thinks that bow ties are cool.
Ten is the best fucking ever and if you disagree I’ll send weeping angels after you.
Nine is the man who’s from the North.
Eight had a TV movie.
Seven didn’t like to fight. (Clap clap)
Six wears a coat of (clap) motley.
Five wears a coat with (clap) celery.
Four has the scarf.
Three is a dandy.
Two looks like a hobo.
One is the doctor! One is the doctor! One is the doctor in the 60s in the TARDIS. Dadadadadadada.


Boning and Bones

4 May

I love Bones.  I recently realized that I hadn’t seen EVERY episode, so, like the obsessive fangirl that I am, I decided to re-watch the entire series.  Yes, pathetic.  We know.

As I watched, I noticed a disturbing trend.  I call it the Law of Booth.  The Law of Booth dictates that marriage and family are the be-all and end-all of existence.  It is fucking upsetting, y’all.  Bones, whether the viewer watches it or not, comes down as hard-line, traditional when it comes to love and marriage and baby carriages.  Strong, female choices that do not in some way involve conceding that monogamous reltionships (which lead to marriage) and family is the correct path for everyone do not exist.  They just don’t. I don’t want to say that there isn’t room for alternate sexuality at the Jeffersonian (Angela had a for-serious girlfriend and everything!) but the scope is limited at best.

Let’s start with the basics.  Angela is a free spirited, fun loving artist type.  Initially, she had a relationship in which she only sees the guy for three weeks out of the year.  Booth finds this really fucking bizarre.  The guy also winds up dead.  So much for three week fidelity.  Clearly, not only is it weird, but one of you will end up dead.  Hodgins dates Angela for like three months before he asks her to marry him.  She hasn’t even officially moved in with him!  They had a fight about how she was uncomfortable giving up her apartment a few episodes before this.  She initially rejects him more than once, but he keeps at it.  When he accepts that maybe they could just live together forever and be happy and NOT be married, that’s when she says it is ok.  Wait, lemme get this right… Free-spirited girls who don’t really want to get married will want to get married as soon as you tell them they don’t have to get married?  See, that’s what they are really after, in the end.  A season later, Angela is dating Roxy.  Roxy is also an artist.  Roxy doesn’t want to move in with Angela.  They seem well-suited.  Angela wants to get a dog.  Roxy’s response?  Angela doesn’t think enough about the fucking future and therefore they will never work out.  Angela only wants to live in the moment and therefore she will never work out with the woman who doesn’t even WANT to live with her at the current moment.  That’s logical.  Even the gays, they want to settle down and have a family.  That’s the important thing to do.  That’s what we all should be working towards.  Awesome.  Angela then becomes celibate to make sure she’s getting a real connection out of her relationships.  According to the world of Bones, sexual connection isn’t valid.  Emotional connection is valid.  A pregnancy scare and some other bullshit later, Angela is now married to Hodgins and pregnant.  Big. Fucking. Surprise.  I’m so glad they cleared up all the character contradictions that poses…wait…no…they didn’t.

Moving on.  Bones and Booth.  Bones is a reasonable fucking human being who doesn’t necessarily want marriage or a family.  She’s supposed to be the weird one who doesn’t understand emotion or human interactions.  Booth thinks marriage and family are essential and that sexuality that is not defined by a monogamous relationship is weird.  The audience is clearly supposed to side with Booth.  How do I know?  Because he is ALWAYS proven right and Bones is ALWAYS proven wrong when it comes to these things.  Examples.

1. Sex is best when in the context of a “normal”, monogamous relationship that is devoid of kinks or other deviance.

  • BDSM is strictly forbidden in the world according to Booth.  In one of my favorite and least favorite episodes, Booth and Bones go discover the world of pony play.  What Booth discovers is a bunch of weirdos doing weird stuff because they are confused by what sex is about.  Booth believes sex is better when there is some kind of emotional connection that has to do with love and puppies and rainbows or some shit.  Bones initially disagrees, but acquiesces in the end.
  • Loving more than one person at a time is unreasonable. In another very special episode, Booth and Bones encounter (gasp) polygamists. Booth, of course, thinks what they are doing is wrong. Bones, of course, sees the usefulness and anthropological value. That is, she sees those things until the end of the episode in which she concedes that relationships are for two people with no wiggle room.

These are two extreme cases that stick out, but there are numerous other points of contention that get stuck in through the course of normal plotlines. Bones has sex with an attractive guy while going out on dates with a brainy guy. Booth objects. It blows up in Bones’ face and hilarity ensues. She sees the error of her ways. I could go on endlessly about this point, but I won’t. People get married. So says the Law of Booth, so say we all (apparently.)

2. Everyone must get married.
Booth doesn’t understand Bones’ desire not to get married. All Booth wants in life is to get fucking married ZOMG. He asked his baby-momma to marry him; she said no. He asked Hannah to marry him after dating for about six months, despite the fact that she BEGGED him not to. She didn’t even want to stop dating; she just wanted to NOT be married. Not ok for Booth. All or nothing with that guy. So, he dumps his lovely girlfriend who is perfect for him and throws the very expensive ring he got her in the water as a symbolic gesture. What an idiot. Clearly, marriage is the magical way to get the girl, even if the girl tells you it isn’t. So says the Law of Booth, so say we all (apparently).

Bitches gotta breed, yo. Angela be all kinda pregnant up in this bitch, not to mention that she wants like 12 million babies. Fine. Angela likes kids. So, sure…Why not? Bones, however, starts off not wanting babies. She is very clear about her baby beliefs, but Booth thinks Bones not wanting babies is unnatural. HORRIFIC GASP. Bones has to take care of a baby for a case and decides she does want a baby, after all. It couldn’t be that a sane, reasonable, woman would just genuinely not like and/or want kids. Really, that woman had to just spend some time with a baby so she could fully grasp her motherly potential. While Bones didn’t wind up having a kid, she was close, and with Booth’s sperm. Emily Deschanel, who plays Bones, is actually pregnant right now, so we’ll see how this all plays out. My guess? Babies. Even women who have made obviously life choice to not have kids wind up with kids. Camille winds up adopting her dead ex-boyfriend’s high-school aged daughter blah blah blah plot. She adopts her because even powerful, sexual, confident women aren’t really women without kids. So says the law of Booth, so say we all (apparently).

So, I’ll rephrase my statement form the start of this post: I want to love Bones.  It has science and murder and Angel.  I love those things.  I thought it had empowered females making choices for themselves.  Apparently, on that front, I was wrong.  It seems these women have their paths laid out for them, whether it fits with who they are, as people, or not.  So says the Law of Booth, so say we all (apparently).

Your Tweets: The New Object d’Art

2 Dec

Recently, a friend sent an article asking if social media is bad for NYC to an email list shared by some of my close friends.  While I know everyone has their own opinions of various social-media outlets, here’s a quick rundown of my views, based mostly on a great deal of cultural and media research.

It is anecdotally true that there is a cultural shift that involves documentation as part of the social experience.  Whether this is long-term or even vastly wide-spread has yet to be studied on a large enough scale to warrant a yea or nay from the world of social science.  Being someone who reads (a lot) of theory about these things, I assume that this cultural shift is similar to the theoretical shift seen post-WII in culture, society and media.  Ok, so, post-modernism starts at the end of WW-I and people are very taking notice by the 1950, at the very latest.  The term post-modern had certainly been used in literary and cultural criticism by that point.  Add to the the widespread use of the television, and you’ve got a media-based cultural revolution.  This gives rise to everything from needing our President to be cute (thanks for sweating a lot on TV, Nixon) to pop-art.  The fragmentation allowed to each individual through their separation from group gathering is very indicative of every type of media in this period.  Everyone is obsessed with the same figures, yet everyone is isolated from a group.  Images and media are seen as less “authentic” (in the way Benjamin used the term authentic) due to their consistent reproducibility.  Cultural critics worry we’ve lost originality in the age of post-modernity.

Two things then happen.  First, the Internet, then 9/11.  Much in the way that the majority of vast cultural changes can be linked with basic events in world history (often military/war related), such is the case here.  The ability for people to connect immediately, to give information instananeously is seen as neccesarry by our culture in a post-9/11 climate.  The technology available to us allows us to shift from isolated media images that require separation to isolated media images that require “virtual” community.  Part of the beauty of social media is the interconnectivity of information sharing.  Hitchcock said he liked to put one thing in his movies that he would call “ice box talk.”  It was the piece of information that everyone would discuss as curious or incongruous after having seen the film.  Hitchcock wanted people to be so puzzled by it that they would still be thinking about it, hours later, as they gazed into the icebox hours after their film-viewing experience was over.  It would prompt thought, discussion and drive people a little bit crazy.  This is the same concept as discussing a “must-see” TV show moment around an office-place water-cooler, a commonplace referrence made during the late-80s and through the 90s.  Now, we don’t have to have a physical place to locate in order to share our cultural obsessions; we can tweet them with a hashtag and share with thousands of others the very instant we watch Vertigo and can’t figure out how Madeleine was in the fucking window of the hotel if she hadn’t checked in (damn, you Hitchcock — icebox talk strikes again!)  This culture and type of media has also grown to include ourselves as part of the media, itself.

That’s fucking fascinating, y’all! We are the cultural objects being studied at the same time as we are the ones studying.  We need to know things as they happen, but we need to analyze them, as well.  I think as this trend continues and/or we get historical and societal distance from it, we will very much see 9/11 and twitter as interconnected and integral parts of our growth and change as a larger cultural group.

So, are New Yorkers (and the rest of the world) navel-gazing a little bit more than they had in the past?  Yes and no.  Just as much as people wanted to be part of the avant-garde set who saw the latest show the second it came and knew the next big artist before she made it big, so do they want to be a part of this creation, as well.  The self-importance isn’t new; the way the information is gathered and disseminated is.

BBC Book List? Hardly.

22 Nov

The BBC Book List meme is making its way around the Facebook circuits again.  Haven’t seen it?  You will.  It asserts that, “The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books listed here.”  It then lists 100 books, and gives instructions on how to mark ones you have read or have started in order to stick it to those BBC bastards.  Oh, kiddos.  I love being righteously literate, too, but did any of y’all notice the sloppy choices and obvious redundancies in the BBC book list meme?  Anyone think that was strange?  I’m sure you did, because you are clever cookies.  It is because the list and the challenge aren’t from the BBC.

In 2003, the BBC went on a quest to find its readers’ favorite books.  It was called, “The Big Read.”  The website, last updated in 2004, can be found here.  In 2007, the World Book Day organization released a news story about the top 100 books as voted by 2,000 participants.  This story was carried by the BBC, as well as other news outlets (as seen here.)

The 6/100 meme, from my research, was first seen as a viral phenomenon is 2009.  The meme doesn’t seem to have any actual connection to anything endorsed by the BBC in terms of doubting competency of vast numbers of people or any sort assertion of a challenge.

Check out this blog post for some more research into the matter.

Anyway, I love stupid memes and proving I’m clever, but I don’t love maligning a decently well-respected media organization based mostly on fake nationalistic pride from a meme clearly created to evoke cultural clashes and a sense of elitism.

ETA: I didn’t mean to imply that y’all truly thought this was by the BBC, either.  I figured most of you had doubts (like I did) and therefore I’d go ahead and look into it.

Brittany the Queerio: Gleeking Out of the Closet

9 Nov

It should come as no surprise that I am a huge Gleek.  Cheesy high school antics, musical theatre and Jane Lynch?  How could I not love Glee?  Like many other Gleeks, I have favorites.  Puck is my top sexy pick.  He’s a hot, outlaw Jew who had a mohawk for the majority of the first season.  He’s also got a beautiful voice and a body to die for.  I would touch him for hours while he texted and ignored me.  I have problems.  Whatever.

Initally, I figured that Rachel would be my main character of choice; Lea Michele has been on my musical theatre radar since Spring Awakening.  She is, in many ways, a younger Idina Menzel (who played her birth mom on the show due to their physical and musical similarities).  I’ve been in love with Idina since… ever.  Rachel is ambitious, nerdy, spunky and beyond talented.  Also, once again, I can’t help but love seeing a nice, Jewish girl.  More chances for excellent episodes about Passover.  Always a win.

As time went on, though, I found myself waiting for the moments that side-character, Brittany, the resident ditz, would open her mouth.  The writers give her the best lines!  Let’s examine some of them:

“[Miss Pillsbury] is the one they made me talk to when they found out I was keeping that bird in my locker.”
“When I pulled my hamstring I went to a misogynist.”
“I’m pretty sure my cat’s been reading my diary.”
“I’ve been here since first period. I had a cold and I took all my antibiotics at the same time, and now I can’t remember how to leave.”
“I don’t brush my teeth, I rinse my mouth out with soda after I eat. I was pretty sure Dr. Pepper was some sort of dentist.”

My favorite, though, is the ever popular:
“Dolphins are just gay sharks.”

Brilliance.  Pure and simple.  I’m not alone in thinking this.  My personal Lord and savior, Joss Whedon, has gone on record saying that Brittany is his favorite character.

Seriously, check the 1 minute mark.

Vindicated in my love!  Joss agrees with me!  All is right in the world.

As much as the dolphins line may have been the closer for many people, it is actually Brittany’s sexuality that makes her tops in my book.  Lately on Glee, there has been much discussion of the loneliness Kurt feels as the only openly out gay kid at McKinnley High.  Yes, Kurt is fabulous.  Yes, it is wonderful to have a gay character who is accepted by his friends and family at such a young age.  Yes, growing up queer in Smalltown, USA is usually made of super suck.  For all of these reasons (and his fantastic voice), Kurt is wonderful.

Still, I wish he (and the other members of the Glee club) would open their eyes to the one person who has accepted her sexuality, complications and all.  That person is Brittany.  Maybe she’s too stupid to realize that being queer is something outside of the norm where she is.  Maybe she just doesn’t give a shit.  Either way, she’s open about who she is.

Brittany is attracted to pretty much everyone.  To paraphrase the great Margaret Cho, Brittany isn’t straight, she isn’t gay…she’s just slutty.  Besides the fact that she has slept with basically the entire football team, Brittany has an ongoing sexual (and possibly romantic) relationship with fellow Glee club member and Cheerio, Santana.  While watching the first season, I was floored when  Brittany pointed out that if having sex were equivalent to dating, she and Santana would be going out.

Hold the phone, Glee!  Did you just admit to intimate lady-relations between teenagers on prime-time TV?  It sure did.  And no big deal was made of it, either.  Brittany wasn’t tortured by the prospect of admitting it.  Santana wasn’t horrified when the information came out.  They both kept walking down the hallway as they always do, living their lives as hot, popular cheerleaders, albeit ones who have a fair amount of sex with each other.

In later episodes, Brittany talks about more women as attractive.  She even wants to touch the (fairly unattractive, if you ask me) female football coach’s breasts.  Most recently, Brittany and Santana were seen making out.  Brittany even thought that Santana’s “sweet lady kisses” were a nice break from scissoring.   Scissoring!  On network television!  Once again, this was not in an informational episode about creative lesbian activities.  No one learned an important lesson about how some people touch their bits together and walked away as a stronger, better community.   It was a regular-ass episode in which two ladies kissed and talked about the sex they were having without it being an issue.  Halle-fucking-lujah!

I know that gay identity and gay bullying, especially in high-school aged kids are HUGE problems right now.  I’m not attempting to say that Kurt isn’t a good representation of some of those problems.  I just want people to think about queer identities that alternative to a gay/straight dichotomy.  I want people to realize that Brittany, in all of her stupidity and riduclousness is the closest representation to my sexuality that I’ve ever seen on TV, much less on a mainstream, network show and I, for one, appreciate the hell out of it.

You rock on, Brittany.  You rock on or under or around with whomever it is you want to be making sexes.  I’ll be here, loving you and blogging about it.

What Characters Really Want

28 Sep

As a humorous response to a Facebook post, I decided to make a classified ad for Jareth, the Goblin King.  A good friend suggested that I make more classifieds from fantasy, sci-fi and beloved kids movies.  Naturally, I obliged.  Now, you can guess the movie (or character, whatever.)  Fun games for everyone!

1. Attractive Goblin King w large package and contact juggling skills seeks strong-willed but naive girl for ballroom dancing, muppet parties and sing-alongs. Will provide outfits. Love, fear and doing what I say essential. You get slavery in return. Hoping to hear from you.

2. Last lady from dead race desires dude with lady name for adventure.  Must love fuzzy dog-like creature.  No skeksis, plz.

3. Attractive oinker with penchant for green flesh and webbed toes desires companion for bike rides. Dreamers and producers esp. welcomed.

4. Midget in need of nanny. Seriously, this kid is practically my size.  Also looking for somewhat insane bodyguard/traveling companion.

5. Rugged not-at-all King needs otherworldly woman. Be self-sufficient as my job keeps me on the road a lot. Fluent in English and Elvish preferred.

6. Really old Scotsman looking for fighting companion.  Prefer other really old people.  No draws allowed.  One winner per fight.

7. Empress needs bullied bookworm to save her with valor and love. Warning – am jailbait.

8. Entertaining ghost seeks child-bride for eternity.  Will always be available for those who know my name.  Am fashionable and witty. Be the same. Goths encouraged.

9. Injured lady-warrior seeking battle-hardened man. I spent my life trying to prove I am as good as my (now dead) brother to our (now dead) dad. You should be able to relate. Must love defending men from encroaching darkness and horses.

10. Strange-looking demon king seeks lady love. Must be willing to wear elaborate outfits.  Must hate daylight, as I am only a nighttime kinda guy. Am willing to kidnap to find right woman. Plz don’t have cosmic love-match, as killing them makes me tired.

11. Shiny, type-A robot wants friend (and more) for desert wanderings and space travel.  Should be fluent in many languages.

12. Want some out-of-this world fun? I like accidentally getting drunk, eating candy, and flying bicycles. Plz respond w/ad – am not great w/phones.

13. Are you the lady of my dreams? Me: office worker by day, angel warrior guy by night. You: lovely blonde. Must be ok with government bureaucracy and overbearing, looks-obsessed mother. Send me your completed forms to file and I’ll send you mine.

Those are what I got for now.  I might add more later.  Feel free to leave some in the comments.

Random Thought #2

20 Sep

I get really excited to plan my new, fall TV schedule.

Random Thought #1

9 Sep

It is bizarre to me to be at an age where people consistently think that my boyfriend is my husband.

What Are We Letting In?

8 Sep

I, like many self-admitted loserpantsed people, love vampire genre things.  Books, TV, movies… if it has fangs, I’m in.  That doesn’t mean I’ll like it, mind you, just that I’ll check it out.  For example, I’ve read all of the Twlight books, a fact that is a little bit to my chagrin.  They crack me up in their badness, but that’s another story for another day. 

Right now, I want to discuss my fears about the American remake of the excellent Swedish film, Let the Right One InI’m going to try to keep this spoiler-free, but knowing the plot and characters will certainly help you in reading this.  Moving on.  Let the Right One In is a gorgeous film, deeply entrenched with a visual mood that colors the feel of the movie from start to finish.  Moreover, it is full of subtlety, especially in the relationship between the two main characters.  It is quiet in its horror rather than explosive.  It is more about the nature of caring, love and commitment than it is about fear, though that certainly is an element that is addressed.  There is no flash, no extraneous gore, no moments that make you pee your pants a little.  Just good story telling and good film making. 

In a lot of ways, Let the Right One In isn’t a genre story in the way that many vampire tales, especially of late, have been.  Eli dislikes her vampirism, but not in the fake extensial quandry kind of way seen in Twilight or The Vampire Diaries.  Vampires are certainly not a normal part of every day life like in the worlds of Anita Blake or Sookie Stackhouse.  The love story is not about sex or forbidden desire, but rather about lonliness and very human needs.  Moreover, the love story is gender-reversed from the majority of vampire tales.  The vamp is a girl, though there is ambiguity surrounding her gender identity.  It is a very clear signal that the normal vampire codes of seduction and lust do not apply here. 

Clearly, I really, really, really like this film.  It’s original and moving and is already being hailed as a classic.  Of course, this means there has to be an American remake.  Joy.  Let Me In is set for wide-release in just a few short weeks on October 1st.  I’m going to see it, but I’m pretty skeptical (a fact that is probably already obvious from the tone of this post.)  Ok, I haven’t seen it, but I have seen plenty of remakes.  Most of those fit in the “When Remakes Go Bad” category.  I’m concerned. 

I’ve seen the trailer, people.  You can see it too.  Let’s compare and contrast trailers from the original and the remake, shall we?

First up, the original:

Now, the remake:

What do we see?  Well, I can’t really tell you what to see, but here’s what I get.  The original trailer is not about the horror.  It focuses on Eli and Oskar; their relationship is paramount to understanding this movie.  Yes, there are quick cuts and some moments that look vaugely scary, but that isn’t the thrust of the trailer (or the movie). 

The remake, though, plays instantly on very American fears.  A boy is dead, it’s an ordinary town, these people are just like you and your bullied kid could wind up loving a vicious killer vampire girl.  There’s a cop added to the mix, too.  He wants us to know that this has happened before, because we can’t figure that out on our own.  Maybe that’s a little harsh, but I just can’t help but feel like it has been “horrorized” and dumbed-down for the American audience.  Ambuiguity and subtlety are left by the wayside.  More proof?  Early accounts say that any gender confusion was taken out of the American remake.  Can’t have possible latent homosocial or homosexual undertones in our horror movies, can we?

Ultimately, that’s the problem that I’m getting at through all of this.  Let the Right One In isn’t really a horror, thriller or genre film.  From the looks of it, Let Me In is more horror than story, more genre than drama.  I’m worried that what I love will be lost in the desire to capitalize on the popularity of vampires and horror.  In the end, I’ll see it and try to look at it with an open mind, but I don’t know if I’m ready to let in a poor substitute at all.

I Had An Idea…

26 Aug

I had an idea that I should start a blog about all the thoughts and ideas that go on in my head.  Lots of these are ideas and thoughts on other blogs, media, events, etc.  Some of them are things like, “We should really have teleporters.”

I’m “the Idea Girl.”  These are my Uber Ideas.  Enjoy.